2008-10-02

Throwing Down the Gauntlet



That's it. I've had it. I had to look at this at this cunt far too many times. House Minority Whip* Eric Cantor, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH OF NO HOLDS BARRED FISTICUFFS. 

The Prize: If I lose I convert to Catholocism, crazy ass Da Vinci Code Catholocism and vote Republican till the end of my days. I will never again forsake De-Regulation, Trickle Down Economics or the Bush Doctine. I will Support the Troops harder than other man in North America, without actually you know, joining a Branch of Military (anal cysts). I will acknowledge that Sarah Palin is like, TOTALLY, so close to Russia she could be Putin's Milf Crush. I will salute BUSH II with the reverence that most nerds only reserve for the 'Empire Strikes Back'. Hell, in my revised Neo-Con Catholocism I will refer to George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan as the Father, Son and Holy-Ghost.

In short I will become all makes my skin crawl in America.

If I win you will voluntarilly contract Polio. You will burn all 37 copies of the Fountainhead that you own and you memorize the names the names of at least 25 foreign nations. You will stop crying. You will read Keynes 'General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money' twice. You will vote for substantive increases in Regulation and Oversight in Capital Markets, especially Real Estate. You will be an active participant in wealth redistribution in America to Extreme Minorities (The Gay Midget Phillipino League). You will work tirelessly to create the lowest Gini Index in the history of our Nation. Like the Grinch you will have to watch your heart grow two sizes to large, you snivelling twat.

Sure I am 15 years younger and not addicted to 'Just for Men' haircolor. I don't know your height, reach or fighting style, but I am assuming it entails a lot pretending be hurt, acting like a pussy and then biting people when they turn around. The way you bawled after Nancy Pelosi's speech I don't think that you have even the slightest risidual testosterone in your shriveled scrotum to face me down. It's a shame.

So Eric Cantor next time you are on the West Coast and need to see if you have a shred of manhood left, look me up. I will see you in the Octagon.

* Now that I think about it in Title alone 'Minority Whip'  that has to be the most appropriate position a Republican can hold. "Take that you sub prime loan stealin' fence jumping Latino's! No Affirmative Action for you Macawcaw!" he would say.

5 comments:

Bubba said...

What was that all about? Feeling a little violent? Take a chill pill, these guys have what's coming to them.

JVaughan said...

It's a joke. If people will laugh at it, it's comedy.

This might not be good comedy...

shintyboo said...

the "DA Vinci " CAtholics are called Opus Dei and please don't refer to all military as Anal Cysts, regarding my family I find it quite offensive

Greg said...

You sir have once again shown your biting wit and ability to make me laugh out loud in the most inappropriate situations.

JVaughan said...

Um... Sinead, I am making fun of Republican's who claim to be for the troops but REFUSED to enter service, particularly in Vietnam. A lot of Right Wing Chickenhawks in the states love to slap a yellow ribbon on there car but when it came time to suit up offered nothing but excuses. I am refering specifically to Rush Limbaugh not fighting because of Pilondal (Anal) Cysts.

OUR family are bunch of badass mofo's who could just out of plane over my house and kill most dudes in 15 seconds. I respect that.